This post is about friendship and how elusive I’ve found it to be. It would be greatly appreciated if you can send your suggestions my way.
I remember watching an episode of Big Bang Theory and when Sheldon decides to forge a friendship with Barry for use of some machine, Sheldon claimed it was a Herculean task to maintain 5 friendships, so he had to give up one to replace him with Barry. He even has a friendship algorithm.
My issue is once you’ve made friends, how to do you keep them?
It appears that I’ve lost many friends, now acquaintances at best. I have and am very busy. The last time the problem occurred with this particular individual whom I have a great distaste for now, for using me as a punching bag and blaming me, yelling at me, and venting all over me online ( I had been this for her face-to-face in another couple of instances while we were still student teaching).
We were student teaching in our second semester and I got very busy with learning content, working 2 jobs, taking on 2 class periods, and working on the test that will get me my credential (at an accredited institution), so I had less time for anything not related to being a teacher. From my perspective, I had to sacrifice friendship and fun and being a normal person because of all of this work and stress. This particular individual yelled at me and blamed me for not being appreciative and all I did was take, take, take. She claimed that she was reaching out and being sisterly when she came and visited me during a period that I had. My class was taking a test and my mentor teacher was more than capable of handling them, we always gave them time to study prior to their test.
The individual came to my class with a mutual friend, and kept wanting to talk to me. I was explicitly clear that my kids need time to study for the test they’re having today. If they wanted to talk, let’s talk somewhere else. This was toward the end of the school year, so a lot was riding on the last few assignments – a test and a project. The two wouldn’t budge.
She said and laughed loudly, “You’d look really pretty if you put some makeup on, curl your hair, and change your clothes.” I almost killed her. Not only was she offending me, she was offending my parents. How could anyone not take offense to that? Who the hell does she think I look like? People who I’m not directly made from? This statement came with other issues. I have 4 girls in a class of roughly 18 students. I know they could hear me. They would think that this student teacher came over to insult and bully me. I also have to be a role model for those 4 girls when most of those boys are just looking at them on the outside. Most of all, everyone is attractive.
Today, she claimed that the comment about makeup was that applying makeup was an art form with all the colors and what-not, and it would make me feel happier. I hadn’t gotten this piece of info. the last time she yelled at me. Today she also claimed she taught me to listen and this and that. Not interested in any of this with this individual.
I tried to be civil with her since we do have a bunch of mutual friends through the program. She was encouraging me to start working on the test to get the credential last week, and when I encouraged her, she attacked me and started spewing all of this crap at me.
She was right that I had lost friends, and there’s one in particular that I want to befriend again. Any suggestions? (Please also provide reasoning). Thanks.