Standstill

My journey isn’t fast-pace at the moment.

I’m not so keen on the fast-pace world and the survival skill is to get in shape and keep up.  I don’t know about you, but I perform worse when I’m exhausted.  If I don’t get to rest, how will I function better as a whole person?

College wasn’t as stressful.  Here was what I have to do, do it, submit it, and get it back 2-3 weeks later with a good grade on it.  College was more or less predictable.  I wasn’t the party-type, and still not.  I don’t like being part of big crowds of people – too chaotic – which is why I never attend concerts.

I’m not relaxing per se, but I’m not super stressed out, either.  I’m doing the things I like, I’m more rested, and trying to get through the things I still need to do.  Unless you’re a teacher or a parent, you won’t understand this: You’re not a person.

I didn’t feel like a person when I was a student teacher.  I didn’t get to do things I enjoyed; I was worried about learning content and finding avenues to best get the info. across to my class.  Then I had to do it.  If I wasn’t prepared, all hell broke loose.  All of this and going to school and working 2 jobs, I was a functioning dead person.  I was filled with uncertainty and anxiety, and I couldn’t think clearly.

“Nobody notices me until I don’t do something.”

I felt guilty for getting more than 4 hours of sleep a night, because I needed to have a certain amount of info. and purposeful activities.  I had a lot of support at home, which made it possible for me to survive such a school year, which I remember almost none of.  Seriously, everything goes warp-speed when you have next-day deadlines for 5 days in a row.  At least one of the posts I posted about my students, I don’t even remember the event and when I wrote it.

Being rested and doing what I want to do reminds me that I’m a person.  I’m also searching and applying for jobs in proofreading/editing and other things concerning writing, because I enjoy reading, proofreading/editing, and writing, and I’m good at those things.  I’m searching for work that I could do at home to save on money for transportation, not only to continue living but also to pay off debt.  If you would like to hire me, I’m available! You can contact me here.

I’m going to make a bold move this Friday and see if I will embark on a new journey.

Thanks for reading 🙂

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