I don’t know how many of you are in this boat, uncontrollably rocking side to side, and more than a few droplets of ocean is in your boat, and you’re starting to panic because the boat won’t stay still, and the water keeps getting on your boat!
I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up. When I was a little girl, I played teacher with my brother and stuffed animals. Nothing much happened in between kindergarten and my teen years, except I thought I was a really good singer (and I am very, very wrong). Thinking that I was a really good singer, I also wrote fantastic lyrics (minus the fantastic). By today’s standards, they’re garbage at best, from what I recollect (I have better ones now).
In my teen years, I got really into anime, drawing anime characters, creating and testing out strange fonts (yes, I’m one of those font people, and not having much variety in the free version of WP bothers me), and I experimented with obsession of guys and men (the latter is still questionable since I don’t understand such obsessions yet I still desire friendship and companionship).
I didn’t see any of this circle around until I wrote the two paragraphs above. I just finished student teaching and I’m still uncertain if this is the right field for me, thus my questions, “Prophecy? What prophecy?” The reality of being a teacher really smacks you in the face with students who don’t want to be at school but they’re forced to be there, students who challenge you and your authority, and students who want to physically fight you to assert their dominance.
Last summer, I was writing Elle’s Adventure in China, which is about an American going to China for a job opportunity (guess what? She teaches English! *jazz hands*), but she gets more than what she bargained for. In her goal of making money to send to her family, she’s spotted by a super famous musician, singer, song-writer, basically an all-around superstar, who’s really interested in her, and has her working for him writing lyrics in Mandarin. In the middle of the novel, the main female character, Elle, is able to experience and absorb the beauty of ordinary things – when she is writing Chinese characters and is so relaxed, so tranquil, that she was able to see again that writing Chinese characters is like art.
The obsession, on the other hand, can be seen in my mini-series somewhere on this blog, but it’s incomplete, so if you read the second to the last one (I’m still working on the last one), the spoiler is on you.
On the Internet, I can be 15, 35, 55, even 105 if I wanted to. Despite my age and writing all of this out, I question whether my life has a prophecy attached. The idealism of being a teacher, spreading good, preparing students for the next chapter of their lives…a lot of the time, it gets foggy. You can read about some of my experiences as a student teacher; they’re also somewhere on this blog. They’re monumental enough for me to write them down. I have a couple that are good and a few that are bad; the good ones made me feel my best, the bad ones paralyzed me to the extent that I had to write. I didn’t include the incidents of the same student trying to fight me, but we’re OK (FYI, he’s almost a foot taller and he’s medium-build, and I weigh about a buck-ten, and I can still take him on).
Oh my gosh, forgot about my rocking boat metaphor! OK, rocking boat is life, ocean water is all the crap that happens to life, and it doesn’t stop.